So Is it Okay I'm Gone?
by jommyrocks
Summary: They're all gone. Why can't she go? If she does, will anyone look for her, will they find her? Pls R&R tis a JOMMY at the end! yay!
1. Chapter 1 Eyes Cry Real Tears

**Disclaimer: If I owned anything to do with instant star why the hell would I be writing about it when I could be making this happen on the show, duh! Lol.**

**Kay guys, this is my first ever instant star fic, so don't kill me if it blows, just don't read it, but anyhow I do hope that you all like it and I get at least a couple reviews smiles sweetly. Here's for your full summary, my story is set just after 'Date with the Night' and it explores Jude's reaction to Tommy leaving. **

**Everybody leaves her, gives her up, hurts her, or betrays her. Shay. Jamie. Kat. Spied. Her Mom. Her Dad. And now Tommy. All she has left is Mason, and she loves him more than anything. But she can't take it after Tommy, the hurt and betrayal is just to much. If everyone leaves why shouldn't she? So she disappears without a trace. Who will find her? Who will look? Who will give up? Who will never stop until they get her home again?**

Chapter 1 – Eyes Cry Real Tears

Her eyes were red from crying and she was sick of it. It was a week later and she still couldn't stop the tears from falling. She closed her eyes as a fresh set began to spill down her face burning her cheeks with memories of him. Jude wanted to laugh at how pathetic she was being, about how worked up she was getting. It was all over him, a worthless guy. She tried to get herself to believe that, to believe that he really didn't mean anything to her. But he did, and the more she tried to deny it the more she realised it.

Jude Harrison loves Tom Quincy.

As he stared at the little girl fast asleep on the bed in front of him he gasped realising just how much she looked like him. Like it or not. He had a daughter, and this daughter didn't have a mother. She was dead, and that was why he was here. He could so easily have told the girls grandfather that he wanted nothing more to do with her, god knows he had been given so many chances, but he just couldn't bring himself to say the few simple words. She was his daughter. He was angry at Aby for not telling him, maybe then he would have stayed with her and never met Jude, and never fallen so hard for her. There was just something about the girl, yeah she was seven years younger than him, but when he was with her things were just electric. He knew he could never really wish he had never met Jude. Every time he looked at the little girl sleeping he wanted to cry. This time he gave himself the satisfaction of letting a few tears roll down his cheeks, and it was then that he said it out loud.

'Tom Quincy loves Jude Harrison.'

No matter how many times she had wanted to say that out loud she just couldn't, and he could. That made his feelings for her a lot stronger than hers for him, even though it was her that had initiated the romantic interest. Wrong. It just meant that she was afraid, and she was not ready to get hurt again, by him. She thought that maybe if she said it that it would be finalized and she would never be able to take it back and if she just thought it she could always deny that and there would be no proof. She knew that wasn't true but it made her feel so much better. She knew it didn't work like that, but she didn't care, it made her feel better.

She moved over to the cabinet in her bathroom and lifted the razor blade from the shelf, lifting up her shirt she stared in the mirror at the cuts that littered her flat stomach. That was the only place she could hide them, the people at G-Major knew that she didn't like to show her stomach so they left her alone on that, and they were hidden. She laughed as the blade pierced her abdomen the crimson blood shining against the brilliant white color of her skin. She cleaned up the wound satisfied, for at least another few hours. Dropping back on her bed she was deep in thought about, well, everything. She didn't want to think about him but she just couldn't help it. She began to sob almost silently as the rolled over under her comforter, falling into yet another night of restless sleep.

Sadie sighed and for what felt like the millionth time this week released her had from the doorknob of Jude's room. The sobs had finally began to fade and Sadie realised that Jude had fallen asleep. She found herself in the same position every night, always wanting to break that barrier and go inside Jude's room, but something always stopped her. Sure the sobs had faded and she realised that Jude had fallen into some kind of restless sleep but it was a lot deeper than that and she knew it. There was always something else that stopped her setting foot inside Jude's room. Something different. Something deeper. It was like her sanctuary now, her safe place to run to whenever things got tough, which just happened to be a lot lately. She never let anyone up there anymore. If Mason ever came to hang out she always made an excuse to stay out of her room, it was her hideaway, her safe place. She was so worried about her little sister.

Sadie was right, Jude's room was her safe place, her escape. The one place she could go when things got tough. But she couldn't escape from her thoughts, and they maybe, were the most dangerous thing of all...

**Thank you all for reading and please review, it means a lot. Just so you know I got this whole story written so if anyone decides to read it then it should all be up pretty soon. What can I say? I had a lot of free writing time on holiday in Spain and from reading a couple stories by some of you guys I got inspired :D. **

**Cheers Dudes pls R&R Hope ya liked!**

**Luv Y'all**

**Sofi x**


	2. Chapter 2 Freedom Finds The Needy

_Disclaimer- I own nothing! Nothing I tell you!_

_Okay so i thought i'd add another chapter for this story now to save you guys from waiting, i want to thank you all loads for your reviews cause i honestly wasn't expecting any good ones, i will post the next chapter after i get a few more reviews._

_Enough of me rambling i shall get on with chapter two :D_

Chapter 2- Freedom Finds the Needy

She woke up with a start, breaking out in a cold sweat yet again and gently began to recall the nightmare she had just experienced. It was the same one she had been plagued with for the last week or so and it was always about him. As if her days were filled with thoughts of him, he had to occupy her dreams as well. He had to affect her this way, and she hated it.

Sadie had set her alarm for 2.30 and sure enough she soon heard the all to similar gasp wafting through from her sisters room, and she heard her sister sidle into the bathroom. Now it was Sadie's turn to cry, she couldn't let Jude see she was torn up inside, she had to be strong for her. She cried because of all of the pain that Jude was feeling. She cried because Jude was feeling all of this pain and there was absolutely nothing she could do to make it go away, in fact, she didn't know what would be able to do that. She didn't really know what had gone on with Tommy and Jude, prior to him leaving, but she knew that Jude had feelings for him, and most importantly, Tommy felt for her back, just as strong. She wasn't stupid, she could see it every time they were together.

Tommy had told her that she was the only person he had kept in touch with, and not to tell anyone, but it was always to ask her the same question; 'how is she?' right when she first read the text she wasn't sure who he was referring to, but the more she thought the more obvious it was that he was talking about Jude. At first she was hurt that he was asking about Jude and not her, when she was the one he had been dating, but she realised just how close Tommy and Jude were, even through their music, it was obvious. And suddenly it became obvious why they had broken up. He hadn't really wanted her because he hadn't loved her. He loved Jude.

Her thoughts were interrupted as Jude opened the door to her room and silently creeping over to Sadie's bed before falling into her open embrace sobbing. Sadie wanted to ask her what was going on, to almost give her the third degree, but she wanted to be there for Jude, she wanted to comfort her, so she contented herself with rubbing her hand up and down Jude's back in what she hoped was a comforting gesture, showing Jude that she could trust her and that no matter what she would be there for her. Always.

She looked at Jude, or at least what used to be Jude, there was very little of the old Jude left any more, this was just a shell, an empty shell, she was fading away. Her skin had paled even more and become a brilliant white color luminous against the darkness of the room. Sadie looked into her eyes, the heavy black bags stood out even more against her pale skin. Her eyes, once brilliant and blue, were grey and glazed, sinking backwards emptily into her head. There were tear marks etched into her skin, burned on there. This was a ghost. Sadie held onto Jude, afraid that if she let go, Jude would disappear she was so thin. Sadie just couldn't get her to eat anything, not since he left, she was so afraid that Jude was going to wither away. Jude clung on to Sadie crying silently, but Sadie could tell by the way her body was shaking that she was crying.

Sadie finally gave in and broke the half hour long silence.

'What's going on Jude? Please, tell me, I want to help you, but I cant if you don't open up to me.'

Jude sighed, 'It's him Sades, I let him get to me. I promised myself that after my sixteenth birthday I wouldn't let him do it to me again, I wouldn't let myself get into that position again, but I failed. Failed, and now it hurts more than ever. He's messed with me again and I just can't do it anymore, it hurts too much Sadie!'

Sadie was dying to ask more but knew that she was lucky Jude had opened that far, and she didn't want to scare her into not talking again, so she knew she had to be content with the response she did get. She wished that Jude could trust her enough to tell her the whole story. Someday.

Jude crept back to her room and settled into her bed. She knew Sadie had wanted to ask questions, but she respected Sadie for not trying to push her into opening up. She knew how much Sadie had liked Tommy and she didn't want to ruin it for her.

So why was she still here? Why did she stay if she felt like she was letting everyone down? Everyone let her down. Shay left her, for her rival of all people. Jamie, well in a way he was still here but she managed to drive him away in a loving kind of sense. Spied hadn't wanted to be her boyfriend any more, and sure they all still hung out, she still worked with the band, she still felt the loss. Kat hated her, she had told her that much, that she couldn't be friends with her when she wanted everything Jude had. It was her mother and father betraying her that hurt so much. Her dad with Yvette started things off but back then she still had her mother. She was the last person Jude had expected to leave, but she had not wanted to be there with Jude either. And finally Tommy. The one person she truly loved and he had to leave her too. Now she had nothing left, nothing but Sadie and Mason, and she loved them so much, but that didn't stop her asking herself the question;

'Would they really notice if I was gone?'

'How is she?' The message blared on the screen of her mobile. Rather than giving him the usual reply and saying she wasn't talking to anyone but she was okay, Sadie decided to tell him the truth.

'You're killing her Tom. She's empty, there's nothing left in there.'

She never normally got a reply from Tommy, God knows she had tried asking him all sorts of questions, he never told her where he was no matter how many times he asked but she had tried with a whole lot of other questions. When was he coming back? Was he going to explain why he left? Was he even coming back at all? But he only asked about Jude and nothing else was said, he didn't even answer her calls, so when the phone rang and his picture flashed up on the screen she gasped and almost dropped the phone.

'Hey' she said although apprehensive.

'Sadie, have you spoken to her?' he rushed.

'Last night Tom. She finally cracked, she had the dream, nightmare even, again. She won't tell me what happens but I hear her shouting at you to come back, not to leave, not to do this to her again. Again Tom. What do you keep doing to her?' she pleaded.

'I'm sorry Sadie, I just can't tell you. I promise you though I never meant to hurt her.' He tried to apologize to her but she wasn't having any of it.

Sadie spat back, 'You're far from hurting her Tom, she's dying. Everyday a little bit more of Jude disappears. Soon she'll be gone.' She hung up the phone.

He let his hands catch the tears as they fell freely down his face. He didn't care that he was crying, and he didn't care that he had been doing it a lot just lately. He had finally realised just how much she loved him. She loved him to the point where she was ready to give up everything for him. It was a shame he wouldn't do the same thing for her, but he knew he wanted to. He would never forgive himself for how much he had killed her.

She put the final touches on the notes for everyone and she placed Sadie's on the kitchen table, dropped a few tears on it and closed the door behind her. She glanced once back at the house and whispered 'Sorry' before walking on to the bus stop.

_Okay so that's all from me for the day but I promise to have the next chapter up soon, that is if I actually have any readers!_

_Please R&R cuz I luv ya stories :D!_

_Peace Dudes_

_Sofi x_


	3. Chapter 3 Love To Leave You

**Kay so I thought I'd post this next update quite quickly, I want to thank all of you guys who are reviewing and I just wanna say that I luv ya all loads and I'm reading some of ya stories.**

**So, here's ya post**

Chapter 3 - Love To Leave You

_I'm so sorry D, but I can't do this any more. I just can't face it. I've tried, so hard, but with everything going on with him I just can't seem to get my head sorted, it's messed up. At least I got you a number one. See you on the other side._

_Jude_

Darius stared in shock at the note sitting in front of him on the desk. It was definitely her that left it. He realised just how much pressure she had been under and knew that when he had noticed her struggling he should have helped more, because now she was gone, she had cracked. She wasn't going to come back. He was going to have a talk with her today, about the pictures of her drunk that had appeared at G-Major, instead he decided that to save her trouble he would just pay off the ransom guy so she didn't have to suffer any more. "God D, you're gettin' soft.' He muttered to himself. He was deep in thought when Mason burst through the doors of G-Major, a look of sheer horror on his face. 'Sh..She..She's Gone!' he stuttered.

Darius showed the note he had received from Jude to Mason and Mason tried to relax, he couldn't but it was worth him having a go. He'd got somewhat of a longer note than that belonging to Darius, but he couldn't show it to him, it had even more details about her leaving and also a lot more as to why she had left, and a lot more about Tommy. He wanted to show it to Darius, maybe then Darius could give him some ideas as to where she had gone and maybe they could find her. But he couldn't betray her, so many people had shoved her feelings into the gutter, he was the one she believed in and he couldn't let her down, he loved her.

Looking down at the letter in his hands he really couldn't believe that she had gone, that she had left him this letter, he had to read it again, to make sure it was real. Who was he kidding, he knew it was real, but the way she had phrased the letter sounded like her talking, yet she was talking better than she had spoken to him ever since Tommy had left. He wanted to hear her voice again in his head and he smiled though the tears were splashing onto the paper.

_Mase,_

_I'm really sorry to be leaving like this, I know its really sudden but I can't deal with it any more. It's what he does to me Mason, the way he makes me feel, how I can want to hate him so much but still somewhere there's that love that we had right from where we started. It's the way he can affect me Mason, I just can't take it any more. After what happened on my sixteenth birthday I knew, well I thought I knew that he couldn't hurt me any more, but I was wrong. Him leaving me made this seem a whole lot more real. I gave him my everything and I thought that I could trust him, that I could believe in him again, and I was wrong, so wrong._

_I don't even know what to do now, I don't know where I'm going or what I'm going to last with but what I do know is that I can't be found, I don't want to be found, I don't need to be found. I just want to get away, escape, I don't know. But I do know that I have thought about ending it so many times, just to get away and I figure that if I did then I wouldn't ever get the chance to come back, and I figured that I could always come back if people accept me but you know. I love you and I'll miss you. Forever._

_Jude x _

Sadie finally woke up but she was still completely oblivious to the complete and utter scene of chaos that was unfolding inside the confines of G-Major. She sighed and managed to force herself to make the dangerous trek down the stairs to the kitchen. She wondered why she hadn't heard Jude yet, normally Jude was up really early and she was downstairs making breakfast for Sadie. Usually it was a massive feast, and then Jude would sit looking blank whilst not touching any of the food she had made for Sadie. She knew that Jude wasn't due at G-Major that day, after they had seen the stress she was under they decided to leave her to have a couple of days of rest. She entered the kitchen ready to make the breakfast herself. There were some notes on the table that she approached to study.

_This is for him, well…if he ever comes back. I trust you._

The second envelope had just a single word on the front, and though it wasn't her name she knew that the note that lay inside it was meant for her.

_**Sorry.**_

Sadie opened the envelope tentatively and as she read it the tears began to slowly spill down her face.

They splashed onto the word 'forever' in his note and the ink she had used to delicately write the letter smudged into a pool of think water. He read the last lines over and over again and hoped that maybe the next time he read them they wouldn't be there, they would disappear, but they didn't. He had no idea of the desperation she had been feeling, she had so obviously loved him, and she had thought about ending it to get away from the thoughts of him. He hated Tommy. Hated him. Hatred. It was a strong word but he knew that because of how much he had hurt Jude, his producer and who he thought was his friend had hurt her so much, he wasn't allowed not to.

As she walked down the street Jude tried to formulate a plan, but the sick and harsh reality was that she had run away, and she didn't know at all what she was doing, where she was going and she hated to admit it to herself, but she didn't have a plan, not even the slightest idea of where she was going to go. All she knew was that she had to escape from this, from everyone and no matter how much she loved Sadie and Mason she knew that after this she had to be strong, and she could not see them again. Ever. She hesitated on whether she should go and try to find Tommy, he couldn't be stupid, he must have realised that she had seen the license plate on the back of the car and the car that was from Montana, but she didn't want him to see her like this, to see what he had reduced her to. She didn't want to be doing this, to be thinking of him, this was the reason she had left, to forget him, and forget him she was going to. She was free now, to do as she liked, no restraints just herself holding back, and she didn't want to be. She turned on her heel and ran, relishing the fresh air as it hit her in the face biting icily at the skin of her ears and nose and cheeks turning them a rosy red color, her fingers were burning with the cold and the breath her lungs were receiving did nothing to satisfy her growing hunger for oxygen as she continued her sprint through Toronto. She couldn't stop, she was flying, she was on top of the world, and for a moment, just one moment, she was free.

**Okay guys, so there's the end of yet another chapter of this story, I can tell you that bar editing the story is completely finished, and I'm in the process of thinking of planning and writing a sequel. Sorry to bore you with my pointless rambling but just another round of me begging you to please leave just one tiny weeny itsy bitsy little review, just cuz I luv ya all for reading n reviewing!**

**Cheers dudes**

**Peace**

**Sofi x**


	4. Chapter 4 Guess I Owe You It

**Okay, i just want to thank all of you guys for reading and reviewing and im loving all of your comments, this next chapter is where Sadie gets her letter and Jude explains absolutely everything. So here you go...**

Chapter 4 – Guess I Owe You It

_Sadie,_

_I guess I owe you some kind of an explanation huh? For just upping and leaving like this. But first I should tell you that I took a whole load of the money, and I hope that you can forgive me for that. I can't use my card one I'm out of Toronto so I've left that for you, with the PIN. If I use the card out you could track me, and I don't want that. That's really big thing, I just don't want to be found okay. I'm a big girl and I can take care of myself._

Sadie wanted to laugh at that last comment. She didn't want to be angry with Jude, if anything she wanted to understand her, but she couldn't help thinking it. It takes a big person to face up to their troubles and a small person would do what Jude had done, run away. As soon as Sadie read further into the explanation she wanted to take back ever thinking that comment. She realised that although Tommy had broken Jude, there were cracks already formed.

_So my explanation then, I want you to realise that it all started with winning Instant Star. At first everything was perfect, it was exactly how I had wanted it to be. I was catapulted to fame and I loved it. I had everything I ever wanted, but fame also meant I managed to drive people away. Everyone started to desert me, betray me, hurt me. _

_First it was Shay, my first real boyfriend, my first real kiss, and then he left me for Eden. He cheated, an not only that he did it with my biggest rival, the one person that it killed me to see him with. Everyone was already saying how she was so much better than me, and that I should take a leaf out of her book, that she should have won Instant Star, and that made me start to believe. _

_And Dad, I know he betrayed you too Sadie but it still hurts. I trusted him so much, I would have given up anything to try to prove he hadn't been lying to me but he had. He was supposed to be my number one fan, the one person I could always rely on when things got tough for me. That song I wrote, 'Skin', that was about him, and about how much he had hurt me, how much him lying had hurt our family and broken it up. _

_Then you know me and Jamie got close, and I realised that maybe the feelings that I had for him were more than just friendly and I once again managed to drive away a person who loved me. But through that I realised that I could never really have loved Jamie because my heart always belonged to someone else._

_Then Kat told me that we couldn't be friends, she loved Jamie but she couldn't be with him because of me and that I was selfish, which I was. I wanted Jamie because I needed to feel close to someone, to feel loved, and I realised that I couldn't have it all. She hated me because I tried to buy her friendship and she told me that we could never be friends if she constantly wanted to rip away everything I had._

_Speed and I broke up, it was kind of expected I suppose, I couldn't hold a boyfriend down and though I did care for all of Speed, Jamie and Shay I know that my heart was never really theirs and I would have dropped everything I had with any of them just to run to him. And yeah, the decision with Speed was kind of mutual but I did like him and it was difficult because I knew I couldn't hold a boyfriend down._

_Mom, she was one of the only people that I had left and she said that basically I almost didn't feel like her daughter any more, that I was always sucked into the world of G-major, that I was constantly there writing and recording and that she never got so see me perform, but she was always with Don and I tried to make her believe that was the reason she never saw me, because it was, but she left anyway and you probably blame me for that._

Sadie wanted to run up to Jude's room and tell her that it was so not her fault that their mom had decided to leave, and that she was a coward and that she ran away from of her troubles even though they were not bad at all. She wanted to ask Jude if she had left a not for their mom and if she had that she didn't know where it was. She had her had on the doorknob, that oh so familiar position from the past week or so. She couldn't open the door, this time though it was not out of respect for Jude's privacy, it was out of fear. Fear of what she would see, or rather what she would not see. She didn't want to read the next sheet of paper, she knew who the next paragraphs would be about and she didn't know if she could stand to read it. She knew that Jude and Tommy had shared some kind of a connection, a very deep one. If she was honest with herself she was jealous of it. She took a deep breath and read on.

_I know that you probably don't want to know about this, but you deserve to. Things with Tommy and me have been complicated from the word go but we were and always have been a team. I know when I mentioned my sixteenth that you wanted to know more, I mean who wouldn't have been curious. Like I said before things with Shay got complicated and it hurt I was devastated I thought I may have actually loved Shay. Before the party I overheard Kwest talking to Tommy and he asked Tommy if he liked me. Tommy said that he did, that I got him, understood him, but I was too young. Kwest asked, if I was 21 and he said in a second. Those were words I had wanted to hear for ages and after I was upset crying in the rain Tommy came out and comforted me. I asked him why I was so easy to give up and easy for guys to not want. He told me I was asking the wrong guy and he kissed me. I was so happy Sadie, I had wanted that for so long, so he goes and does the worst thing ever. He told me that the kiss was a mistake, that it never happened, that I had to say it never happened. That's what he does to me Sadie, and it kills me._

_We had our arguments, but we made good music together, but after what he did to you I felt the trust and belief I had in him wash away, I couldn't believe that the person I believed in could betray me like that, could betray you too. On my seventeenth birthday we accidentally got locked in an old club I managed to rebuild my trust and I found that he never cheated on you Sadie, never. At first we were at each others throats but we argued it out through a song, through writing, 'Liar Liar'. We fell asleep but we woke to Speed and Jamie shouting for us. We almost kissed and I realised just how much I needed him and maybe he needed me too. I'm glad we didn't kiss though, I was with Speed and I would have hated myself. It felt great just being able to work with him again and I felt so guilty because you hated seeing us together. _

_Then there was 'White Lines' I wrote whilst I was tour and when the album lacked something Tommy said it should go on it. I found it so hard to sing that song with Tommy there watching me so I had to tell him that I wrote the song about him, that on tour all I could think about was seeing him again. He told me to bring those feelings back out, but I couldn't with him staring at me like that. After it was accepted by Darius we kissed again, and this time it meant more. I loved him and it was then that I really realised it fully. He asked me out just after that and I was so happy because I thought that maybe he was caving in on what I know he had felt all along. Even though he didn't stand me up he managed to do it again, to hurt me again. He said that he was leaving, that he didn't think he was coming back. He said bye and left. I chased the car but it didn't stop. Montana. I think that's what the license plate said. But that was what took me over the edge._

She never realised just how much he had hurt her sister but reading all of that and thinking about the way they acted around each other Sadie realised that Tommy and her could never have worked out. She didn't know why she had been so oblivious to it when it was so painfully obvious. Tommy hadn't loved her, he had loved Jude.

_I am so, so sorry Sadie for everything. I never wanted to leave this way believe me but I just can't take it, hell I've thought of ending it but I cant because then I'll lose the chance to ever come back. I'm sorry again and I love you, so much._

_Goodbye xx_

Sadie couldn't stop the tears from falling. A part of her, although she tried not to feel it was upset because she realised that Tommy had loved Jude with his heart and soul and more than anything in the world. But more she cried for her loss. Jude had opened her heart to her on those four sheets of paper she had bared her soul and laid down all secrets, she had written Sadie a book of what was going on in her head and it was a sad story. She hated Tommy for what he had done but she knew that Jude still loved him, so she couldn't hate him. Could she tell him?

**Okay so there it goes, i just have one more request... please keep reading and reviewing!**

**Love Dude's**


	5. Chapter 5 On The Other Side

**Okay well there's not much to say apart from here you go with the next chapter of my story! And cos i always forget the disclaimer, i think? I OWN NOTHING! If i owned Instant Star the Jommy would've happened a lot longer ago and Sadie would never have got in the way! i like the way i think!**

Chapter 5 – On The Other Side

The heat knocked the breath out of her as she stepped out into the warm Californian air. Okay so LA was not exactly where she had planned on ending up, hell she hadn't planned on ending up anywhere, she just went. She realised that coming from Canada she probably wasn't appropriately dressed for the weather. The sweat started to form on her forehead already and she realised that under her coat and jumper she was feeling quite sticky. She peeled off a couple of layers and carried them around. It was a whole lot colder in Toronto. It didn't matter though did it? It wasn't like she was going to be there for long was it? The news of her disappearing was bound to leak soon, she cursed herself for agreeing to be released in the USA. It was just so likely that she'd be spotted. Only Tommy knew that she had always wanted to California and seeing as no-one had been able to contact him she doubted he even knew she was gone. She thought about the array of huge stars in LA and realised that maybe it would take a little while for her to get noticed. She settled down and enjoyed the sun, she could use a bit of color

_Sometimes when you love someone you **have** to let go._

'_How is she?'_

Sadie read the text again, she laughed and pressed the delete button for what seemed to be the millionth time this week. He had sent her the same message ever since Jude left, hell, he had been sending it before then. She knew Jude didn't want Tommy to know she was gone, so she couldn't reply. She didn't trust herself not to let it slip and she could not be the next person to betray Jude. She settled back in the armchair next to Mason and they yet again waited in silence. They waited for someone to call in with a sighting of Jude Harrison, someone, somewhere, somehow, somebody had to know! Mason practically lived with Sadie now, they helped each other through the pain as much as they could although they still found it so difficult to talk about Jude. Should they look for her? If they did would they find her? If they found her what would things be like? Were they going to go after her? Were they going to look? They both knew that they loved her too much to let her slip away though none of them would bring that thought up, they had to find her.

_But if you've hurt them you have to accept the consequences._

_If you try to smother them they'll have enough._

_Maybe they won't want to come back_

Tommy stared down at his cell for the fifth time that minute. Why hadn't Sadie been replying to his messages? He had texted her three hours ago and he still hadn't received an answer to his question. It had been over a week since he had received an answer to that question and he was dying to know what was up. After thinking deeply about it he realised just how worried he was and he resolved to call her tomorrow. He happened to know that Sadie never looked at caller ID so she'd have no idea it was him until she heard his voice and just maybe he could convince her to talk to him. He wanted to call her now but he had promised Emi that he would play Barbie's with her. I know, sounds stupid huh? But the whole being a Dad thing had started to grow on Tommy. He laughed at how soft this little girl had made him go. How much he'd changed. He'd do anything for Emi. He'd like to think that he'd do anything for someone he loved but he knew that the reality he lived that he did nothing of the sort. He'd only ever really loved one person before and he'd destroyed her.

_But sometimes when you've caused them so much pain._

_They can't go back._

_You can't go back._

_Sometimes you love someone so much that you **can't** let go._

Tommy sighed and picked up his cell, he really did need to call Sadie just to find out how she was. He wanted to know how everything was going. He hadn't spoken to her since their last phone conversation that ended with her slamming the phone down on him, so you can understand why he was a little more than nervous. He took a deep breath and pressed the call button.

'Pick up the Pieces' blared from her cell and she sighed rolling over to grope for it on the cabinet. Being typically Sadie she didn't look at the caller ID and when Tommy heard her voice he was secretly glad. Sadie on the other hand knew that if she had looked she most definitely would have ignored the call. There was nothing stopping her slamming down the phone and ignoring everything Tom Quincy had to say, but in her heart she knew he had the right to know.

'Hello?' she questioned.

'Sadie?' he asked.

'Tom I really don…' she trailed off.

He sighed 'please don't hang up Sadie'

She thought about it and she was about to press the red button that would end the call but a wave of curiosity overwhelmed her and she just had to ask him the question.

'Do you love her?' She asked bluntly.

'Sadie now's not the time for…' he stared.

She shouted, 'NO! Tell me Tom! I deserve to know!'

'Sadie I…' he started before she cut again.

'Please Tom,' she begged. 'Please. You owe me at least this.'

'So much it hurts.' He sighed. 'So much I can't stop thinking about her. I hate myself for what I've done to her.' He brushed the tears from his eyes and from the way he said the next line Sadie could tell he was crying. 'I love her so much I can't let go no matter how hard I try. I won't. I love her that much.'

_Sometimes you **won't** let go no matter what you want._

Sadie was awed by the raw emotion in his voice. She had never known Tom Quincy to cry before, over a girl. She was so young yet she had so much power over him and Sadie knew just from hearing his voice that this wasn't some kind of love that would go away. It would last forever.

'Did you…love her…whilst we were…dating? She asked apprehensively.

'Always' he told her. 'Even before I think. I loved her since I got to know her. There's always been a spark there, something electric. Chemistry.'

Sadie smiled mischievously. 'How's Montana?'

'How…Wha…you…howyouknow?' he spluttered.

'Jude' she stated simply. 'Saw the license plate.'

It took a lot of courage for Tommy to ask the next question but he knew it had to be done. He wanted to do it. 'Do you…I mean, can I, um, can I talk to her?'

_Sometimes it drives you crazy and you want to make it all go away._

'She's gone Tom!' Sadie snapped her hand over her mouth in awe that she had told him the one thing she promised herself she wouldn't. But he deserved to know, after all he had told her after all the feelings he had expressed and after he'd laid bare his secrets to her, he deserved at least the truth.'

'What do you mean?' he asked hurriedly.

'I mean she left Tom. She's not here any more. Nobody knows where she had gone and there have been no sightings of her anywhere. She left notes for us. There's one she left for you, if you ever came back. She explained everything to me Tom, laid her heart out on the paper and even though I can't read it I know that she had opened her heart in your letter too. She told me about her sixteenth, seventeenth, stolen kisses, and you leaving.' She said honestly.

_And sometimes no matter how much you know that you've screwed it up and that you can't get it back to the way it used to be. You always try knowing that nothing else can make you feel that way._

'So you officially hate me?' he sighed thinking he already knew the answer.

'I should,' she laughed, 'but I don't think Jude does, so I can't. I'll be seeing you soon?' it was more a statement than a question.

'In a flash.' He hung up.

_And that's when you know it's true love._

**Well there you go guys, i'll post the next chapter soon i just gotta type it all up quickly cos im only halfway through it lol.**

**Please R & R means a lot dudes**

**xxx**


	6. Chapter 6 No Turning Back

**Okay guys, there's not much to say apart from the fact that here's another chapter for ya and please R&R**

Chapter 6 – No Turning Back.

She was really beginning to ache now but Jude Harrison was not a girl to give up so easy. She was getting that feeling, that she would have to move from California and it was a shame, she was really starting to like it there. It was just too risky staying in one place for too long. Especially in a place where her music was recognized and therefore made it a whole lot more likely that her face would be recognized. She was a far bigger star in America than she had thought but for some reason the people didn't seem to be recognizing her. Okay, so she was thankful for that thought, but she couldn't help but feel a little upset, couldn't she?

_Going the wrong way down a one way street…_

The lyrics of one of her earlier songs came back to haunt her, she sighed at the truth in her words, ironic. She felt like a criminal, like a runaway from a jail and in a way she

was, but what she didn't realise was that the cage was one she had created herself, one she had locked herself into and one that only she had the key to. Her heart.

As she looked in the mirror of the dirty pubic toilet that she was forced to use to scrub up in she gasped at just how different she felt she looked. Was the sea air polluting her already fragile mind? She sighed. She was Jude Harrison rock goddess, she had vowed to keep her bright red hair and deathly pale skin. She realised just how much she had come along and how she had grown up with the help of her friends and family and the people at G-Major, even though one by one they had deserted her and left her to fend for herself. She wasn't one for trying to be the victim but she couldn't help it because she was and whether she liked it or not she had been through so much that no girl her age deserved.

Again when she gazed back into the mirror she had flashbacks as to how good she looked when she had gone blonde and despite the criticism that Sadie had thrown at her when she unveiled the new color she remembered the look of sheer an utter surprise etched into Tommy's features. Now the girl staring back at her had mousy brown hair and she had to admit it. She looked HOT! The tan and brown hair was a good look for her after all. With that she ran out of the bathroom and straight into a young man of what she thought was around her age.

'Oh My God! I'm so sorry!' she shouted haphazardly.

He smiled back. 'Hey it's okay. You're Jude Harrison right?'

Shit! It was times like this she wished that her music hadn't been released in America. She had to think of something quick, she must look like a total dork.

'Uh no, I get that a lot though. I'm just a sad old look alike.' She smiled. 'Hence the brown hair, not blonde.' She motioned to her head. 'I wish though right?'

'Totally.' He replied. 'I have cousins in Canada and my little cousin wishes she could be Jude, I mean she's successful and she's talented. It helps that she's totally hot too!'

She smiled at the last comment thinking he hadn't noticed. He knew she was lying, he'd heard some unconfirmed reports from his cousin in Toronto that she was missing. Not saying anything though.

'I'm Josh by the way.' He said.

'Mackenzie' she replied. ' I gotta dash though. Later!' she called looking over her shoulder and smiling.

That was so close, she sighed. It was way to risky, how could she know that other people hadn't made the same assumption and acted upon it calling the press. Airport it was then, she had to go somewhere else. She debated going back to Toronto and admitting that she'd made a mistake, but she didn't want to give them the satisfaction of knowing just how fragile she was. She put on the tough punk princess who's old enough to look after herself act but inside she was so fragile and that was all since she had her heart broken one to many times. She didn't want Sadie to know how much she needed her, needed him. Plus after all she had confessed Sadie probably would have killed her. But then she could see all of them again, she could start recording again, if they'd have her, with Kwest. Music was her life, it was what she could see herself doing forever, what she wanted more than anything was to get another hit record out and she had just enough inspiration to write a hundred songs on heartbreak and frustration.

That was it settled then, she was going back to Canada, to her friends, to Sadie, to her Dad. It was quite a long walk but it did give her a lot of time to clear her thoughts and decide if going back to Toronto was really what she wanted. And apart from the sleeping rough she was thankful for the vacation she had, she would definitely avoid sleeping on the floor as much as she could in the future. She laughed, she was able to do that much more now, being in California had really helped her loosen up.

She was running to get her ticket to go home when a man grabbed her arm almost roughly and pushed some tickets into her hand.

'Free ticket to London…ha…HAHAHA…she loves me, she really loves me' he shouted jolly and happy. She wished she could be like that, she could say he loved her.

London. Maybe that wouldn't be such a bad idea. Nobody would know her there, nobody would recognize her. No-one would know about Jude Harrison, at all. She could start fresh, new name, new life. Mackenzie Brooks, she remembered her childhood friends names and mixed them up, that was the new her. She looked at the flight time and realized that she had barely half an hour to check-in and board, almost two late. She ran off in the direction and before she knew it she was sat on the plane halfway over the Atlantic Ocean. She had never been a fan of flying and to tell the truth she was feeling kind of crap at the moment. She had a few hours left to contemplate what she was going to do but what she did know is that she was gone. No turning back.

'Hey Tom.' Sadie tried to greet him cheerfully and be friendly but inside she wanted to rip him to shreds for making her baby sister leave like she did. The little girl hopped out of the car and grabbed Tommy's hand. 'And…little cousin?' she asked hopefully.

'Nice try Sadie.' He grimaced. 'This is my daughter Emily' he retorted wryly.

'Emi!' the little girl interrupted. 'I'm Emi, nice to meet you Miss Sadie.'

Sadie noticed what a beautiful little girl she was. She had Tommy's eyes and there was just something about her that was distinctly Tommy, yet there was some kind of an exotic flare to her. She was definitely Tommy's daughter, or at least related to him.

'Good to meet you too, Emi.' Sadie smiled back at the child. 'Come on in Tom' she said turning to him. 'Mason is already inside.'

'Why is Mason here?' Tommy shot back uncomfortable, he still didn't know Mason was gay.

'Jude loves him.' Tommy's face fell. 'He's her best friend, he's been there for her none stop since you left. He barely left the house.'

Tommy sighed defeated, at least their love was purely friendly. 'Me and Emi are moving back here. My life is here and truth is we don't like Montana, holds too many sad memories. My job was here, my friends were here and…' he broke off but Sadie knew that he was about to say that Jude was here. Only she wasn't, in fact she was far from here and she wanted to hurt Tom because it was his fault.

'So this is why you left?' she questioned nervously.

He smiled. 'Yeah, her mom died is the story. I didn't even know about her until…'

'You could've told her you know?' she said.

'Oh yeah?' he snapped. 'What was I supposed to say huh Sadie? Oh by the way Jude I have a four year old daughter who I have to stay at home and take care of? That would have been a real relationship starter.'

'You didn't have a relationship Tom.' She retorted. 'You were too busy telling her to forget everything happened. She would have understood Tom why can't you see?'

He knew Sadie was right but he also wanted to know how she knew about that. She knew what he was thinking and flashed him the letter Jude had given her before wordlessly pressing the envelope into his chest and leaving him to lock himself away and read.

**Kay, there's chapter 6 and i hope you liked it! please read and review!**

**Luv Sofi xxx**


	7. Chapter 7 So You Want To Know The Story?

**Okay so there's no point me saying that much about this chapter because it is basically Tommy reading his letter. I know that some of the stuff I say is similar to what was in Sadie's letter but I guess that she wants to tell Tommy everything she's feeling and she did the same to Sadie so the principal is the same right? And whoa I didn't know everyone wanted to read it so I really hope you aren't disappointed cuz you probably will be and for that I'm sorry!**

**Disclaimer: Yeah, still don't own anything…..YET!**

**Oh yeah and one more thing….ENGLAND RULES. Even though I don't live in London and I don't like it there that much…**

Chapter 7 – So You Want To Know The Story?

She was going to stay in London, she couldn't believe that she'd actually acted upon this impulse and that she was actually running away, she was actually doing it, she was being independent and in a way she liked it. Again like the whole sleeping rough thing really wasn't that great but she was going to have to put up with it. Plus she'd found these really great guys, runaways just like her and they were musicians with nothing really but the gig that was performing on the street corners and salvaging whatever money they could. They were good, she had to admit. She showed them her stuff and obviously they were impressed I mean she's Jude Harrison, the girl's got a voice, and soon they were performing together and some days they even managed to gather a crowd of people dancing to their stuff. The guitarist was kinda hot she thought, and his accent was really sweet too.

An hour he's been sat there staring blankly at the words on the page, he just couldn't bring himself to read them, but he knew he had to, so he forced his eyes down to look at the page and it was a good few minutes before he looked up again.

_I really doubted you'd ever get this letter. I doubted that any of us would ever see you again. I mean that's what you said isn't it? That you didn't think you'd be coming back? Well now that I'm gone even if you did come back you haven't come back to me. I'm guessing Sadie told you that I'm gone? Stupid question I know. At least I'm giving you an explanation because I feel you deserve it, I obviously didn't._

_I just couldn't take it any more, it's just so hard and I'm obviously too easy to give up and I believe that now. On my sixteenth you told me I was asking the wrong guy. I believed in you and you told me I could trust you. You broke your promises and that's something I don't ever want to forgive you for. So am I asking the wrong guy now? Shay, Jamie, Spied, Kat, Dad and Mom, now even you leave me. Everyone does and I wish I knew why. I wish I knew why everyone finds it so easy to hurt me._

_I thought getting this recording contract was the best thing that ever happened to me. I got everything I ever wanted with the prospects of fame and I loved it. But most of all, I got to be close to you. I know first of all I hated you but you know how quickly that changed. I knew that being with G-Major would turn my life around but I didn't expect there to be so much bad. There's way more bad than good, but I always had you. _

She was cold. But he realized that every word she had written he deserved. For lying to her, cheating her and leaving her when things were going so well. Sadie was right, he had owed her an explanation and then maybe one day he could see her understanding his predicament. He knew the rest of the letter was more about him but he forced himself to carry on reading. He owed it to her.

_And now I don't Tommy and I'm lost. I mean I knew as soon as we started that any kind of a relationship we were going to have, even just being friends was going to be difficult, but there was something about you that stopped me giving up on you no matter how much I wanted to. When I heard you talking to Kwest on my sixteenth I was so happy and I knew that there was something there between us and that there always had been. When you started dating Sadie I was devastated but if you couldn't be happy with me then I just wanted the two people I cared for most to be happy and I was genuinely pleased and I didn't want to believe you cheated because I wanted you and Sadie to be happy. Then you rekindled that trust on my seventeenth birthday and I started believing in you again. When I told you about 'White Lines' I as good as admitted my feelings to you because I couldn't hold it in any longer. The kiss after meant so much to me. It made me think that maybe you loved me the way I love you. I don't think I'll ever stop loving you because you really were the only one. I had to get away and I'm sorry but at least you'll know why I'm gone._

_Always,_

_Jude xxx_

So she had loved him. He should have told her, he should have explained to her everything and maybe if he had then he could be with her right now and he could be with her in every way he wanted to be and that she wanted to be. There was a soft knock on the door and he let Emi wander into the guestroom. She knew her Daddy was upset and without saying a word she let him lift her into his soft embrace and they held each other, she was comforting him for reasons she didn't know and they both fell asleep together. Tomorrow they would start searching Toronto. Just maybe she would have stayed close.

A month had passed and Jude was loving life in England. Of course there were times, when she wasn't having fun with the band that she had to sit alone and think. Most of these times she cried, because she still missed them. She wanted to go back sometimes and she seriously thought about it. The guys were a whole lot of fun to be around but they reminded her of SME, but with English accents. I mean they were all so close and they goofed around. Michael and James were so much like Wally and Kyle that sometimes it hurt Jude to look at them, or to goof around with them.

Then there was Rob, how could she not like Rob? He was totally hot. He had black shaggy hair and piercing green eyes that stared right through Jude whenever he looked at her. It helped that she knew he was totally into her. He had as good as told her that. She had turned him down, because she was still thinking of Tommy. It was time for her to move on, he probably didn't even know she was missing and he didn't care for her like that. The only other thing she had to get past was the no relationships in the band and she knew that Michael and James wouldn't be too happy. She dropped her thoughts of Tommy, she was in England she could afford to have fun with a guy she liked.

'Hey Rob.' She smiled walking up to him, she was so sure of what she was about to do. It was his 20th birthday so it was the perfect time to make turning him down back up to him.

'Oh, hey Mackenzie.' He replied coldly and she frowned.

She said. 'I have a present for you.'

He sighed. 'K, I thought we agreed we don't have the money to…'

He was cut off when she reached her arms around his neck and kissed him softly.

'NowthatIdon'tmind' he managed to rush out before closing the gap between their lips once more.

He walked her back and pressed her into the wall never breaking their kiss. So he was three years older than her, Tommy was seven. Damn him! He had to keep invading her thoughts and now she was kissing a guy she really liked and all she could think about was how this guy wasn't Tommy, he couldn't make her feel good like Tommy could. The kiss from Rob was kind of urgent, nothing soft and gentle or loving. He knew that she wouldn't let him do anything to her, she wasn't that kind of girl, she kept herself to herself and he had to respect that if he wanted to be with her, so he contented himself with just kissing her for now.

Their search of Toronto was proving fatal, they'd hardly had a lead in six months. There was nothing in Canada that they could find, at least nothing close to home. There was no credit history out of Toronto since she had disappeared and she had a missing person's report filed with the police. There had been one sighting in California but it said that the person claimed to have talked to Jude, he knew that if this was true, and he could tell from the blurry picture he'd got of her that it was, Jude would be long gone to avoid being found.

For the past few months he had been working with the new Instant star Karma. She'd shown some romantic interest in Tommy but he wasn't interested, it reminded him far too much of how he had met Jude and plus. He really wasn't interested.

Jude would be eighteen next month.

**Okay there you have it guys, hope you weren't too disappointed. I have the next chapter written so I just have to type it out and stuff. Please read and review.**

**Luv Sofi xxx**


	8. Chapter 8 I Can't Wait Forever

**Okay well here's the next chapter, I hope you all like it. Sorry it took a little longer than usual  I was in Wales :D. Sorry if my updates get unreliable having a lil' computer trouble!**

**Disclaimer – Again, I really don't own anything.**

**Here it goes:**

Chapter 8 – I Can't Wait Forever

'Tom can I speak to you a minute?' Darius asked poking his head around the door to studio B where Karma was giving yet another show to try and impress Tommy. Tommy smiled thankfully and Darius picked up on that.

'Yes of course!' he replied enthusiastically before pressing the button to talk to Karma. 'I gotta jet for a sec, just practice kay?' and he left without looking for a reply.

'I have some business in London next week Tom, but I'm already booked in Hong Kong, and seeing as you've been great since you got back I was wondering if I could send you there to take care of it for me? Emi can go with you all expenses including day care and you get a break from Karma.' He winked with the last comment.

'Sure D,' he shouted. 'Anything for the boss. Now I must break the news to my oh so lovely artist.'

The next week passed fairly quickly for Tommy, he was just recording and producing Karma. She didn't half make the job hard though. Although Jude liked him, she always worked hard in the studio and didn't use the time in there to try and impress him, that was why they always hung out late with no particular hours. Tommy had gotten so pissed off at spending time with Karma he had given her hours that she had to come in and he never hung out with her out of the studio like he always did with Jude. Jude didn't constantly come into the studio wearing skirts that barely covered her ass and she didn't make a show dancing around in the studio. It was the way she moved when she recorded that impressed Tommy, it was so natural. Tommy was annoyed because he had constantly told Karma that he really wasn't interested and she just didn't seem to take a hint. She really was wearing him down.

When Sadie found out about Tom going to London she had been so happy. He'd thrown himself into his work for the past six months and she knew that he really needed the break with Emi and more than that he deserved to get a break from that Karma girl. She promised to keep him posted with any news that came of Jude, but he really had begun to lose faith in her ever coming home. He smiled as he ran to help Emi who was dragging her little pink suitcase down the stairs and he picked her up and carried her and the suitcase to the Taxi that had just arrived. He had wanted to take the Viper but Sadie had told him it was far to dangerous for a little girl and she knew his driving and she really didn't want either of them getting hurt. He had, despite his many protestations been forced by Sadie to rent a safe car for London and though he immediately regretted letting Sadie force him into that decision he knew that ultimately it was the right decision for him and his little girl.

Mason sighed as he curled himself up in the little guestroom of the Harrison house that had been his home for the past few months. He didn't really want to be staying there because he felt like he was intruding on Sadie and making things difficult for her because she already had enough to deal with, but Sadie had insisted that he stay because he was so close to Jude and he was probably one of the only things beside her music that had made her life bearable after Tommy had left. He knew that he was grateful to be there so close to the last place he had known Jude to be.

He really just wanted Jude to come back, more than anything in the whole world, he missed her so much that he thought some days he couldn't continue without her. He knew that she thought of him as her rock throughout all of the difficulties in her relationship with Tommy and the ups and downs of her career, but he knew that she most definitely didn't realize just how much of a rock she had been to him, how much she had helped him and guided him through the recording of his album and through his music career. Most of all though how much she had understood him when she found out he was gay and she hadn't run away from him and left him to deal with it himself. He had never realized before just how much he needed Jude, maybe he needed her almost as much as she needed him, his music was definitely suffering without her, apart from the songs he was able to perform about him missing her.

He'd tried to form a friendship with the new instant star Karma but she hadn't been nearly as kind as Jude had. In fact to be honest he thought that she really didn't deserve the title of instant star and it kind of upset him that it did have to go to such a super bitch. He had seen the way she looked at Tommy and he knew she was a maneater and she was after him. He told Tommy he had better not do anything with Karma because if Jude came back it would kill her, she would think of the contest was a thing he used to pick up girls, though deep down he knew that wasn't true. For some reason Tommy trusted Mason's view, he had grown to really like the guy and he wished that he was still his artist and that Kwest could have Karma. Mason was thankful that Tommy trusted his view but he also knew that Tommy was right when he said;

'I can't wait for her to come back forever.'

**Hey well there you have it, I thought that maybe it would be nice to have a little bit of Mason in there, and maybe the next chapter will have a bit of Mason as well. Tommy is in London now…oooooh!**

**Please R & R Much love.**

**Sofi xxx**


	9. Chapter 9 Shrine of Empty Hope

**Hey, its me with another update for you all, but i just wanted to say thankyou all sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much for your amazing reviews, i never thought i would get this many and i never thought they'd be this great. You are all fantastic and i love you so much! **

**Disclaimer : Sadly and obviously i own absolutely nothing, though wouldn't it be cool if i did? i think shooting instant star in London would be awesome right? **

**Here goes...**

Chapter 9 – Shrine of Empty Hope

Seven months she'd been gone, and it really just didn't seem like she was going to be coming back ever. Everyone was trying to come to terms with the fact that she'd really done it, it had really been too much for her and had driven her to leave like this. Mason knew there hadn't been a second passed without Tommy feeling guilty or feeling that it was his fault she was gone, and his fault that she had left. Although Sadie and Mason did the best they could to assure him but he still had nightmares.

As each day passed the burden lifted slightly and they were able to cope just a little bit more, but it was still hard, for all of them. They were mostly like zombies, wandering round not really knowing what to do, but they comforted each other no matter what. No matter what any of them tried to do there was always that air of incompleteness around everything, some feel of emptiness without her presence. No-one had touched anything in Jude's room, or even set foot in there, they simply opened the door every morning to see if maybe the last seven months had been a nightmare and that she had come back, but it was to no avail. In fact all of them had given up, and it was just Mason who made that same trip each morning, but her room was just a museum of all things Jude, her guitar, her picks, her C.D's and everything, a shrine. A shrine of empty hope.

For her the last six months had been perfect; things with Rob were going great, she knew she could never forget Tommy, and there were still times whilst she was with Rob that she thought about him. A part of her heart would always belong to him and she couldn't deny that, but she was never going to see him again and she couldn't save herself for something she was never going to have. She would always love him more than anything but she felt good with Rob, and he really liked her. He'd told her he loved her and out of politeness she'd said it back, but she didn't know if she really meant it. She'd always believe that you could only ever be in love with one person, soul mates. Tommy was hers but she knew that unless he realized it she would have to settle with loving someone not being in love. Ever since 'Mackenzie' (she still went by her fake name) and Rob had started dating the music from them had become so much better, she'd started hitting all those high notes properly and that pleased the band more than anything, they were actually gathering small crowds in the street and they were performing original Jude songs. She wished she was Jude Harrison being produced by Tommy Quincy in G-Major but she wasn't, she was Mackenzie performing on street corners. She had to make sure that she didn't let her real name slip and she was starting to feel less and less like Jude, the thought was scary.

Tommy had been deep in thought throughout the whole plane ride and it had worried Emi, she had never seen her father like this before and it scared her, when she had gotten up to go to the toilet he had gotten a picture of Jude out and he was lost in thought when she came back.

'She's bootiful Daddy.' Emi said tiredly.

'Yes, she is isn't she?' he asked more to himself than her.

'Who is she?' the little girl probed.

Tommy sighed. 'She was a singer that your Daddy used to produce, but things got close between us in the studio and then I had to leave to take care of you, she got upset with me and she ran off, that's why we've been staying with Sadie for a while, she is Sadie's little sister.'

It felt good for him to confide in Emi and he felt as if a burden had been lifted from him, how could someone so young understand him so well? Then he felt the same with Jude, how could someone so young make him feel that way?

'Did you love her?' she replied.

'Very much.' He finished and she knew not to ask him any more, she was so clever it scared him.

So here he was walking down the streets of London on his second night in the city when a faint song drifted to his ears, so quiet he didn't know if he was imagining it.

_I tried to tell you_

I've got to get away

I tried to say

I need my space

I got to get some

Distance in between

My heart and my head

I'm on the razor's edge

I've been here before

I know the way

He didn't know that Jude's music was recognized in England, in fact he was sure it had never been released over there. He was confused, he tried to walk towards the source of the music.

_White Lines_

_And headlights in my eyes_

_White Lines_

_I'm ready to drive all night_

_White Lines_

_How many til' I'm in your arms?_

_White Lines _

_Will bring me home_

_Ooooh lines will bring me home_

He stopped for just a second, remembering the kiss that followed it, the confession she gave him. The sparks, the attraction, the love. He carried on.

_I held you in_

_My arms last night_

_I dreamed we were_

_Riding on a star_

_I kissed you_

_And the sun began to shine_

_In dreams I can do anything_

_It seems like_

_I'm on my own_

_Feels like_

_I'm losing it all_

He recognized the voice belting out the lyrics, it sounded somehow more mature. Was his mind playing tricks on him?

_White Lines_

_And headlights in my eyes_

_White Lines_

_I'm ready to drive all night_

_White Lines_

_How many til' i'm in your arms?_

_White Lines_

_Will bring me..._

It was her voice, he was sure of it. He walked on in high anticipation wanting to believe she was there, he started to run.

_Seems like _

_I've been here before_

_I know the way_

_Oh! Seems like_

_I've been on my own_

_So long, So long_

He rounded the last corner as she began the last chorus and stared at the girl singing the lyrics. He made out the brown hair and ark skin and it wasn't her, his face fell as he moved closer to hear the music.

_White Lines_

_And headlights in my eyes_

_White Lines_

_I'm ready to drive all night_

_White Lines_

_How many til' i'm in your arms?_

_White Lines_

_Will bring me home_

There was no mistaking those beautiful blue eyes. It was her no mistake. She looked so different, so much more mature, but there was no denying it was her. He waited patiently hanging back slightly as they finished the song and watched as she stood there scanning the crowd as her band went to pack their instruments away and when she was alone he walked up behind her.

'Jude?' he asked reluctantly, fearing the reaction.

She recognized the voice and though she couldn't bring herself to walk away she couldn't turn around either. Wordlessly she made the motion and spun so that she was staring him straight in the eye, before trying to walk away almost instantly. He grabbed her wrist as gently as he could forcing her to look at him.

'Please.' He whispered. 'Just stay for a…'

He was interrupted by Rob coming up behind her and telling her it was a great show before giving her a quick kiss and telling her they had to go soon. Tommy looked at her questioningly with hurt evident in his eyes and she looked away.

'Starbucks tomorrow at 9.' She commanded before letting herself be dragged away into the crowd, something compelled her to let him explain.

'I'll be there.' He said to himself. 'Even if you aren't.'

_Home._

He thought to himself, he'd do anything he could just to bring her home. To get her back. It wouldn't be easy but he would try with all he could. With all the strength he could muster, all the strength that he posessed, but most of all, with all the love for her that he contained in his heart. And that was the most important part. To love her enough to make sure that he brought her back.

_Home._

**Okay, so there you have it, and because i have been quite mean and not thanked you all enough for your reviews, which again i would just like to say are absolutely amazing, i am going to post two chapters at once so as soon as i have posted this i will be editing the next chapter (which i have already typed up and uploaded into my documents) ready to post and it should be up within the next hour or so, although my time doesn't exactly match up with most of yours because i am in England lol, but hey there will be two chapters waiting for you because well you are the greatest.**

**I would also like to say that there is only about three more chapters left after the double update today and if i can get my typing up and editing done the whole story should be up by Friday at the latest. That is if i dont get swamped with homework lol the pleasures!**

**i am thinking of writing a sequel so i would appreciate it if you would tell me what you think when the story gives you some closure and you actually know what happens lol. i will be really sad to end this fic in the next week though because it was my first instant star fic and only my third fic ever. But hey i am keeping the instant star ideas alive and i have a few for some one shot songfics lol and a humour one shot if i can get it to work right lol.**

**Well enough of me moaning and whatever, next chapter going up just for you guys my lovely reviewers!**

**Much Love**

**Sofi x**


	10. Chapter 10 If That Was Okay?

**Well like i said, i have the next chapter here for you ready to thank you for all your wonderful reviews. i think there is enough of me rambling so i shall just get on with the next installment of 'So Is It Okay Im Gone?'**

**and i own nothing...**

Chapter 10 – If That Was Okay?

He'd been unable to sleep, afraid that if he did he would wake up to find that it had all been a dream, and that he hadn't really found her. God, he'd dreamt of finding her for over 7 months, admittedly never like this but who's to say it couldn't be different? He wanted to call Sadie, or Mason, just to tell them he'd found her, and he knew that if he didn't they would probably find out and hate him so much for keeping it a secret, but he didn't want to get them all excited about her returning because he knew she probably wouldn't. Hell, he hated himself for letting her go and even if she had called the terms he doubted that she would be there tomorrow to greet him. He made sure that he was there well in time, after dropping Emi off at daycare; he wanted to set a good impression. He smiled as he saw her sitting in the booth; surprisingly she was even earlier than him.

'So, Mackenzie huh?' he asked startling her as he chuckled.

She couldn't help but laugh back, his smile was infectious. 'How many Jude's do you get in England?'

He couldn't believe how cool she was being with him, God knows he had expected a whole lot more grief from her and he did deserve it. It obviously hit her hat she should be a bit meaner at that second because she bit back at him. 'So…I guess I should…'

'Explain everything?' she cut in. 'Yeah, you should, because God knows I deserve it.'

He told her he was going to start from the beginning, and tell her as much as he could will himself to let out, but she had to promise not to interrupt, it was difficult and she didn't know if she could do it, but she promised him she would try.

'So, when I was touring in BoyzAttack, it was the real sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll lifestyle,' he begun, 'a different girl in every city. I never felt remotely attracted to any of them, but it was a way of me dealing with the stress of being famous and with family problems I had tried to run away from.' He took a deep breath. 'But one of these girls, Aby, got pregnant, and I sware to God Jude I didn't know anything about it until that night at your performance, until I left you.' He paused looking down.

Her head was telling her to get up and walk away, never to see him again, that she hated him. He didn't deserve her even to look at him, let alone let him explain everything to her. Every muscle in her body was aching her to get up,

to scream,

to shout,

not to listen,

to run, to run far away and never look back.

Every muscle, all but one muscle, the strongest one in her body.

One.

Her heart told her to listen to him, to let him explain, that she loved him, always would. He could tell she was fighting an inner battle, he could read it in her eyes. It never ceased to amaze him how much he could read her, but more amazing was how she could read him, the most complicated, unreadable guy in the world and she could always tell exactly what was going on. Now she could read the pleading look in his eyes and she stayed, even though he told her that she could leave, he understood if she hated him, she was stuck fast. Stuck by that one tiny muscle. That one tiny, strong muscle.

**HEART**

'I want to hate you.' She spat. 'I really do, but theres just something about you that makes me want to listen, to let you explain. Every part of me wants to hate you for doing that to me but I cant. I just **can't.**'

'When the private investigator told me that Aby had died, I didn't even know who he was talking about, and I know that sucks, but it was true. He said that I didn't have to come, that I didn't have to take responsibility for her, but I couldn't leave her without parents. Even after I got to Montana I was given so many chances to turn around, to go back to Canada. After I met her I saw so much of me in her I just couldn't turn away. Even if it meant denying me the one thing I wanted more than anything in the world. You. And just because I had the loyalties to her it didn't mean that I didn't love you because I did, I do.'

There he had just confessed to her in person that he loved her, she wasn't ready to say it back, although she knew she felt it deep in her heart she didn't know she could trust him again and she wasn't ready to let all that out again. 'Did you ever go back to Toronto?' she asked.

'I texted Sadie everyday asking how you were, I didn't tell her anything about where I was or why, but I couldn't just stop thinking about you. She told me a little while after you left and I rushed straight back to Canada with Emily in tow to help try and find you.'

'Do they know I am here?' she asked tentatively.

'No.' he replied simply and she dropped it.

They spent the rest of the day enjoying each others company and talking things over, something Jude really didn't think she'd be able to do. He told her that he was on business for Darius. It was a lot for her to take in and there were still times when she wanted to run away. She couldn't believe she had forgiven him so easily, well almost, but this was Tommy we were talking about so she let it drop. She listened to him talk about Emily and she smiled as she heard his voice swell with pride every word he said about her. Tom Quincy may be a lot of things but she had never expected him to be a good father. How wrong she had been, he could tell he loved the little girl with all his heart and it made her happy to see how much he had changed from Lil Tommy Q, to what he termed as her Tommy. He was a lot smarter and more dedicated, it subconsciously made her smile.

She told him about Rob and although she could tell he wasn't all that happy, she respected him for trying. He tried to casually ask her how long they had been dating and she jumped in with the whole story. It took her a long time to get over him, but she never thought she would see him again, and she couldn't wait forever for something she didn't even know was ever going to happen. He said he was happy for her and that made her heart swell even more, she realized just how much he loved her. He was fighting the urge to kiss her there and then but he respected that she had a boyfriend and that she hadn't completely forgiven him, he didn't want to rush anything that might jeopardize the chance of her ever coming back.

They never managed to touch the subject of whether she would come back to Toronto but again he didn't want to push her. Instead he decided to drop some hints and he was so subtle that she never noticed, she just found herself wanting to go back. He spoke about G-Major, about how well Mason was doing and she had admitted to missing his music, she kind of liked it. He also told her about Karma, the 22 year old instant diva. She laughed and pitied him. She then went on to say how the first instant star was bound to be the best. He smiled and replied, the most talented, beautiful and down to earth star was definitely the first. She blushed, they were still slightly nervous around each other.

Before they knew it late afternoon had hit and she said that Rob would be wondering where Mackenzie was, he smiled back saying that meant he could have Jude to himself, and would she like to come with him to pick Emily first before getting back to her boyfriend, if that was okay with he because he really wanted them to meet.

When they had fetched Emily, or Emi as she told Jude she was to be called, she realized exactly what Tommy had meant. She had his eyes, yet there was something foreignly beautiful about her, and she also noticed that even though the little girl was only four she was strong and opinionated like her father. An hour later when they said their goodbyes he told her that it was the best day he had experienced in months and…could he please oh please see her again? She smiled back and said 'definitely.' He laughed. 'Your hotel at seven.' She dictated, they could hang for a couple of hours.

**Here you are then guys, your next installment. **

**Much Love**

**Sofi x**


	11. Chapter 11 Chance To Be Close

**Well here you all go, I hope you haven't all been waiting for this for too long, but if you have then you shall be happy to know that I am posting the next chapter soon and I am well on my way to completing it, woohoo!**

**Again I want to thank you all for your glowing reviews, you have all been absolutely fantastic and I love you guys so much. If any of you are members on DLS please, please have a look at this story and leave some comments, and if you are v kind, tell people to read it!**

**Here it goes:**

Chapter 11 – Chance To Be Close

When she got back to the place that she and the band were camping out at, Rob instantly wanted details and to know exactly where she had been all day. They had to play without her and in consequence only got half of what people usually dropped in the tin. She could tell from the tone of his voice that he was angry and jealous, instantly after they had left he had wanted to know how she knew the 'random guy in the street' and demanded she tell him the whole story, of course she didn't. She really wasn't in the mood to fight with him, why did he have to be so goddamn protective, there was only one person who could be like that with her and it wasn't him, it wasn't like they were that serious anyways.

She told the guys that she was really tired and told Rob that if he wanted her voice to be in good shape to perform twice as well tomorrow that he'd better lay off her and not start an argument because she was so not in the mood. She did tell him the truth though, that she was with Tommy and when he asked who Tommy was she told him that he was an old friend from Canada. When he asked if they had ever dated she told him about the seven year age gap and that no they hadn't. Which wasn't really a lie because they had never got to have that first date. She told him they weren't together like that, no she had not kissed him that day, yes she was seeing him tomorrow at seven, she would be back by eleven and she was tired so could she go to sleep now? He said yes.

He was going to see her again, that was a good thing right? No, it wasn't. it was more than good, it was more than great, it was even more than amazing. It was the best thing that could have happened to him. He was still in awe that it was really her, that he had really seen her and it wasn't just a mirage, a trick his mind was playing on him. It was true. He wanted her to come back to Canada with him. He wanted to sweep her into his arms and kiss her, tell her he would never let her go. Tell her he loved her, but he recognized that she had a boyfriend and that she was happy with him, he didn't want to jeopardize that for her. She was still singing and he was happy, it was what she loved, what made her happy, and she had her friends, no matter how much he wanted to, he couldn't take that away from her. He had the next two and a half weeks to spend as much time with her as possible and maybe they could be better friends than they ever had been. Maybe more. If she would come back with him it would be the best thing to happen to them in a long time and it would bring the life back to all of their eyes, but deep in his heart he knew that he couldn't force her, and it was the last thing that he wanted to do.

Back in Toronto there was still the familiar air of darkness encasing all those staying at the Harrison household. Stuart, Mason and Sadie often endured many an uncomfortable silences as they thought about Jude, and the atmosphere was so subdued yet tense it was a surprise they weren't fighting all the time. Tommy had tried to call them every night to get news on whether Jude had come back or not, there was never any but he knew exactly why that was. He felt o guilty about lying to them but he knew that if he told them she was here in London he would only be giving them false hope that she would be coming back. He knew how much she wanted to come back; he could read her like a book. He knew that every time she smiled and said she was happy she was just trying to make herself believe that. Her blue eyes gave away everything; they were the only part of her visible structure that was not able to hide how she was feeling. He knew that she was happy with Rob, but her eyes were never that bright blue with an infectious cheerful glint, they were always a little dull in the corners. He knew how much she wanted to come back.

Sadie always wondered why Tommy sounded so oddly happy on the phone, when he was in Toronto he was always so resigned except for when his little girl was around to see. She was sure, well she hoped that it was just because he was having a break, which he fully deserved. There couldn't be a girl could there? Surely not? There was a girl, Jude was that girl, but Sadie couldn't know that.

All day he waited impatiently for seven to roll around. To his surprise she wasn't a second late, that was totally unlike Jude, he smiled, that meant she couldn't wait to see him. He was glad she hadn't made him wait, it would have only made him nervous about whether or not she was going to show up and he didn't want to go through that again. He would have worried that she had made a run for it and was going to slip through his fingers. She had thought about it, seriously, she had got as far as two streets away before she realized that he couldn't force her to go back to Canada with him and that so far he hadn't try anything. She could enjoy the little time she had with him and they could hang out like the friends they used to be. Deep down she knew that it would be hard to be his friend but she was going to make the most of it. She didn't know how long she was going to stay at Tommy's and to tell the truth she was a little nervous at being at his hotel room but she pushed her fears aside and they had an amazing time.

They watched a movie with Emi and by the end of it Emi was curled up fast asleep holding tightly onto Jude and sitting in her lap. Jude was leaning on Tommy's shoulder and they looked like a real family.

'I guess the games really tired her out huh?' Tommy said, breaking the comfortable silence.

'Yeah.' Jude sighed, Tommy couldn't help but notice how good she was with Emily and how much she seemed to like Jude. Jude was smiling down at Emi with pride as if she was her own daughter. She carried her down the hall and settled her under the covers of her bed. They then both stood at the door and stared at her watching her sleep. Ever since meeting Tommy and finding his daughter she had become more maternal and was finding herself wishing she could settle down with a family. She pushed those thoughts aside as nerves once again invaded her now calm brain. Her and Tommy were going to be alone and she was scared of what might happen, she knew she had to control herself around him, she was with Rob.

It turned out that she had absolutely nothing to be nervous about. Originally she was worried that Tommy might try something with her, she wasn't as naïve as people thought and she saw the looks of longing her shot her every so often, but she needn't have been worried because Tommy totally respected the fact that she had a boyfriend even though she knew full well that he wasn't happy about it. They talked the evening away and cleared up everything that she had said to Tommy in her note to him, she held nothing back and neither did he, they both let their defenses fall and let the other x-ray them right to the heart. Tommy reminisced and wished that he had told her about Emi before and maybe then they would be back in Canada and be really good friends and be making really good music together. She was glad he hadn't mentioned them being together in Canada and she knew that if he hadn't left they would've had that date and they would probably be together in secret, but she didn't want to reminisce.

As much as she was reluctant to she had to leave, it was just after midnight and she knew that Rob would be wondering where she is. Again she was really not in the mood for his confrontation with Rob, but she did deserve it. She should really learn to sort out her time and her priorities. That was what he said to her when she came back, before he walked off. She knew that she deserved it and she couldn't help but be disappointed in herself for neglecting Rob, but when she was with Tommy it was like … wow. She was getting the whole sense of déjà vu, the same situation with Jamie, she was too wrapped up in work and Tommy to pay attention to Jamie, and now that she and Tommy had become friends again she could feel herself getting wrapped up in him again.

Tommy and Jude saw each other almost everyday for the next two weeks, when she wasn't performing with her guys, and he wasn't in yet another one of his 'pleasurable' meetings for Darius, they were stuck to each other like glue. They took Emi to the park, Hyde Park to be exact, for picnics, and she loved it, again they looked like a family. When the took a boat along the Themes together and Emily was snuggled up in Jude's lap people began to stare a little, she couldn't understand why. Then a woman came up to her and commented on just how beautiful her daughter was and how happy they looked as a family together. They asked her how she coped so young. She and Tommy were far too embarrassed to respond to some of the comments so they just had to smile and let people think what they wanted.

He was so happy that people were making comments like that, he had realized just how much he wanted to start a family with her and from what people had been saying they obviously looked perfect with her. He was hoping that she maybe was starting to realize that she was better with him that without him. He remembered her saying that to him when she wanted him to come on tour with her, why had it taken him so long to realize that he was better with her than without her. Maybe if he had taken her up on that offer?

They went sightseeing together and he took her on a surprise picnic in Kensington Gardens. That made her heart flutter that little bit more. They had always talked about their plans before but he had just grabbed her straight from her performance and blindfolded her before taking her there. She half expected him to tell her they were playing touch tag, but then that was Spied. She was so happy, so relieved that she was able to spend time with him like this, it was perfect, so perfect. She wondered, he would be going soon, she wasn't sure how she was going to feel when he was gone, a little empty without him there, but she couldn't go back.

**Only two more chapters to go, its really near the end, how exciting, hopefully the end will tie up any loose knots for you guys, and I have thought hard about a sequel but I still don't know.**

**Much Love**


	12. Chapter 12 Goodbye Jude

**You guys are all fantastic, I love you so much, you give me so much positive feedback I don't know what to do with it all. If it wasn't for you I would have given up with this fic, you make my writing worthwhile.**

**Your Reward…**

Chapter 12 – Goodbye Jude

Yet another confrontation from Rob and she was getting sick of it. He had to trust her if their relationship was ever going to have a chance of working. But she knew that even beginning to think they could work out she was kidding herself. There was no way it was going to work and she knew it. Tomorrow she was going to spend the whole day with Rob, she had promised him seeing as she had kind of, well definitely been neglecting him. She knew she was being a pretty crap girlfriend and she hadn't been around just lately, so she was going to make it up. Then on Friday Tommy was going to take her for the dinner they had never got around to before, and she couldn't help but feel a little bit of excitement. Glad to be close to him again.

He had told her the last time they were together that he was leaving on Saturday. He noticed the slight glint of sadness in her eyes when he had told her and noted it, it was gone almost as soon as it had appeared. The downside of Darius' business trip was that it was over so soon, and he didn't get to spend nearly enough time with Jude, he would have to be grateful for what he got. He was going to miss her so much, but he could always forge the excuse that Emi and him loved London so much that they wanted to go back again just so he could return to visit her. Jude said she appreciated that, and that she'd like it. Sadly he couldn't see her on Thursday because she had promised Rob to spend the day and night with only him, she seemed a little reluctant but he promised her he'd take her for dinner, the dinner he had screwed up on all those months ago. For the whole time they were together they had not spoken of Sadie or Mason, he resolved to bring them into the conversation that next evening, she would have to talk about them. He expected the answer he was going to get would not be good.

It was her eighteen birthday on Friday, she had forgotten but there was no way that he could forget, and he was going to make it perfect. She couldn't help but be a little afraid he was going to tell her he had to leave and miss their dinner. She knew it was irrational but it was a fear all the same. She'd had nightmares about it after it happened, watching herself run after him screaming, she flinched at the memories. She had purposefully avoided meeting him for dinner for the whole two weeks and when he suggested it she just couldn't say no, they had been doing so well she didn't want him to think she was dwelling too much on the past.

Finally seven thirty rolled round and he arrived at the diner. This time he was there first and he smiled when he saw her walk through the door and make her way over to him, she sat down, him getting up to pull up her chair like a real gentleman. That was the main obstacle over, they were both seated and reading menu's deep in friendly chatter.

'Hey Rockstar.' He had greeted her.

She had smiled in return, that was his usual greeting for her at the moment, even though she hadn't recorded in three quarters of a year.

It was now or never, he had to drop it into the conversation. 'Sadie missed you a lot you know?' he mentioned casually.

Her face paled considerably. 'Tommy I…'

He cut her off. 'She hasn't slept in her room since you left, I have, with Emily. She has been sleeping on the floor in your Dad's room, incase she had nightmares.'

Jude sat there stunned for a second. This wasn't like Sadie at all, to behave like a kid, she had never realized how much of an affect she had on them until now. She and Sadie didn't even get on so well, she felt terrible. Finally thoughts formed again. 'You've been staying with them? Dad's back?' she blurted out quickly. How about mom?' she wondered.

'Yes, yes and…no I'm so sorry. She is still in Europe off gallivanting with Don. But Mason is staying. He hasn't left since he got your note. He has comforted Sadie so much, I don't know what we would have done without him.' He replied.

Jude smiled. Mason was so special to her, he was her best friend ever and she loved him so much. 'Mason is so amazing and I love him so much.' She admitted out loud. 'I don't know what I would have done without him when you …um …you know…left.' She finished.

'He has checked you room every morning since you um left.' He said mocking her. 'Just to see if you've come back. Will you…come back?' he ended hopefully.

Her face paled even more significantly, she was fighting an inner battle, her head telling her not to get into it, she would only get hurt, but her heart was telling her she loved him, to go with him.

'I…I…Tom…I'm sorry, really, I just…I can't.' she stuttered eventually.

He looked back at her, into her eyes, he could see the war she was fighting, he smiled and apologized for making her feel uncomfortable. 'Your heart is the strongest part of your body, you know? It has to be to pump all around your body.' He smiled before leaving his seat and reaching out his hand to pull her up.

She gaped at him for a few seconds, surprised that he had said that, but she knew that he would always know more than she wanted him to. She accepted his kind gesture as he heaved her up. He took her back to his hotel room after they had picked Emi up. There was still a little tension present as a result of their last conversation, but all was forgotten as they settled down together on the couch to watch a movie.

When it had finished Jude reluctantly said that she had to go. He walked her to the door as was customary each time she left his room, but this time there was something different. As she began to walk out the door he grabbed her wrist and tugged her around, she fell into his chest, he leant down and kissed her before quickly pulling away waiting for a reaction. He let go of her wrists and left the door wide open. He was not going to force her into anything, if she wanted to go he was not going to object to her leaving the room.

She smiled and stood on her tiptoes leaning in to him once again, recapturing their lips in a passionate embrace. There was nothing fierce, forceful or hungry about their kisses, they were sweet, tender and filled with love, each one better than the first. 'Happy Eighteen Birthday, girl.' He sighed contentedly. She smiled, she had completely forgotten. He then asked the inevitable…

'Now will you come back with me?'

**There you go guys, the next chapter. I think the next one will be the last, yet I may do a sequel, if I get enough good stuff off all of you.**

**Much Love**


	13. Chapter 13 Is This How It's Meant To Be?

**Well at first I thought that this was going to be the last chapter, then I realized that it would be chapter thirteen. And I know that it is stupid and superstitious but I really don't want to end on that number because then this story will be doomed along with any others I decide to write to fail miserably.**

**So sorry for the long wait as well I feel absolutely terrible. Thank you so much for the reviews, I have almost finished typing up the last chapter as well so you hopefull shouldn't have to wait more than a couple of days for me to post it. **

**Here goes…**

Chapter 13 – Is This How It's Meant To Be?

'Okay'

He did a double take, but he was sure she had said it. Okay. She was coming back, he had to try to suppress the excitement so as not to wake Emi up, and he had to look a big man in front of Jude.

He woke to his alarm, signaling to him that he had to be heading to the airport. He smiled at the blonde hair spread over his chest and looked into the eyes of Jude as she smiled to him. He realized that they must have fallen asleep talking because they were a tangle of limbs over the couch. His arms were wrapped tightly around her torso, pulling her body into his, she quietly laced her fingers with his. She felt so safe around him, and he felt so content just holding her in his arms. Whilst they were lying there in the silence he took a few seconds to mull over how lucky he was that he had even found her, that she was talking to him, that she was here with him now. He didn't deserve her, after all that he had done, there was no way that she should be lying there in his arms now, but she was.

He wanted to lie there forever or at least for a little bit longer, but he knew that couldn't happen, **they** had a plane to catch; **they** had to get back to Toronto as soon as possible, to her family, to their friends. He leant over her face and kissed her softly until she started to deepen it. Realizing that she was now awake he had to fight with himself to pull away. She smiled up to his face.

'I could wake up to that every morning.' She yawned, her voice heavy with sleep.

'I wouldn't mind.' He reasoned. 'But we got a plane to catch Rockstar.'

She was nervous, truth be told and, well it was going to be weird. She asked Tommy if it would at least be okay for her to go and see Rob just so she could say goodbye. He had been reluctant but he realized that if he wanted to stay on Jude's good side he would have to let her say goodbye to her ex-boyfriend. He knew that if she said goodbye it would mean that she was really coming home with him, really.

Jude picked up Emi, whose eyes were still extremely heavy with sleep and carried her carefully and gently to the car, Tommy smiled at the sight before eagerly following and letting Jude direct him to where she had been staying.

'Babe, where you been?' Rob questioned worried and angry.

'I'm going home.' She blurted out quickly. When he looked at her confused, she added more. 'Back to Canada.' She motioned to Tommy in the car.

'I was going to ask you to marry me you know?' he asked sadly. She stood there, to stunned to process anything, she couldn't believe it, he wanted to marry her, her. Only the person he knew wasn't her. 'Um…the offer still stands if you…' he trailed off.

She smiled sadly and he knew he was about to get his heart broken. 'I'm sorry.' She started. 'I have to go back, I don't belong here, I don't belong with you.' She sighed sadly. 'I have to leave.'

She turned quickly and walked to the car without turning to look back, not wanting to see the hurt look on his face, not wanting to be responsible. She told Tommy everything that Rob had said and if it was possible he looked even more stunned than she had. He wanted to make some remark about her loving him, but she needed him to be there for her now, and he was going to be, he loved her. Eventually he couldn't keep quiet any longer.

'You really loved him then?' he asked afraid of what he might hear.'

'I told him that I did.' She sighed. 'But after I thought about it I realized that there was always something else. We just weren't right for each other, and seeing you again made me realize I couldn't pretend to be what I wasn't.'

'Why?'

'You know exactly why?'

'Yeah' he smiled. She saw the grin and leaned over to kiss him on the cheek, he smiled and turned his head at the last minute capturing her lips before quickly refocusing on the road. The rest of the drive was in silence but they could feel the mutual love radiating from the vehicle.

Emi felt a bit uncomfortable sat in the back of the car but she didn't really understand what was going on, so she closed her eyes and went back to sleep. When she woke on the plane she could tell that Jude was so very obviously nervous and when Tommy left to go to the bathroom she decided to try and comfort her. She climbed from her seat in between the two and clambered haphazardly into her lap wrapping her arms around her. At first Jude was taken aback but she quickly hugged the child back feeling oddly more relaxed. Quickly they fell asleep. When Tommy came back he didn't have the heart to wake them so he stuck his headphones in his ears and watched a movie. When the seatbelt sign pinged on he gently shook them awake and told them to buckle up. Emi had always been scared of landing in a plane and she grabbed and squeezed Jude's hand in comfort, Jude truthfully wasn't the best person to look for to comfort, she was deathly scared herself. Tommy squeezed her shoulder and a couple of hours later they found themselves seated in a cab.

Emi returned to sleep quickly and Tommy looked at her once again with pride, she was so beautiful. He then draped his arms over Jude's shoulders, trying to offer her some semblance of comfort. She leant into his chest and looked up at him a smile playing across her lips. He could tell what she was thinking; three years he hadn't given a damn about her and now he really wanted to be with her, she was shocked at the sudden change. He leant in and kissed her, taking away all of her reservations and asking her the unanswered question; are they together? As the pulled away she smiled and her smile was infectious, he couldn't help but smile back. 'Yeah we are.'

The rest of the drive wasn't particularly exciting; it was executed in complete silence bar the slight snore from Emi. It was spent with Tommy occasionally squeezing on her hand, or kissing her cheek. He was so loving, she had never realized just how caring he was before, in fact it was hard to believe he was the same guy that she fell for almost three years ago.

Her heart was racing and she really needed Tommy to calm her down as the pulled up in front of the Harrison household…


	14. Chapter 14 So Is It Okay I'm Home?

**Well here it is, the last chapter is finally here, this story will be no more after this chapter, but then again I am writing a sequel so it should hopefully be up by Monday English time. Without too much rambling, Chapter 14.**

Chapter 14 – So Is It Okay I'm Home?

It was Stuart Harrison himself that first noticed the cab pulling up on his driveway, the cab that would signal the second return of Tom Quincy and his beautiful daughter Emily to their home.

Tommy had Jude remain seated in the car, he promised her that he would go out and deal with all of them so that she didn't have to, she just had to come out of the car when he opened the door for her. It was like a rehearsed performance, she just hoped it would all go alright, that she would get a good reception.

The first words Tommy heard from Mr. Harrison were an offer to help him carry his luggage inside. Tommy had to laugh at his eagerness but before he could actually grab any of the bags, Tommy put and hand to his chest to stop him. It was now or never.

'Mr. Harrison,' he started. 'I would love you to help me with all my bags, I have quite a lot more things this time around.' He smiled to himself silently. 'First I have a surprise for you.' He took a deep breath and opened the door of the cab, praying the reaction would be good.

'Oh Tommy you didn't…' he started, trailing off as he stared into the intense blue eyes now placed in front of him. His words caught in his throat as he watched Jude climb out of the car to stand in front of him. After a few seconds of them just staring at each other he threw his arms around his daughter pressing her body into his chest squeezing the very air out of her lungs. Tears spilled over down both of their cheeks as they locked themselves in the passionate father, daughter embrace.

As the two continued their hug Tommy emptied the cab of their luggage and gently picked Emily up laying her sleeping form on the cases that littered the floor. He paid the driver and let him drive off.

Sadie, after hearing the cab drive off came outside to welcome Tom and Emily back to Canada. As she left the building she saw Tom stood uncomfortably next to a sleeping Emi on one side and her father in a deep embrace with a brunette woman she wasn't sure she had met before. When her dad and this mystery woman pulled apart she carefully studied this girls features.

She studied the wavy brown hair and tanned skin, not wanting to believe it might be her, she couldn't be disappointed yet again. Her eyes locked with the woman's, meeting the deep blue that emanated from them In that second that their eyes locked everything seemed to fall away from both their worlds as realization dawned on Sadie's face.

'Juuuuuuuuude!' she screamed as she hurled herself down the front garden hurdling the hedge and springing onto the sidewalk. Jude ran towards her in anticipation and their arms snapped around each other so tightly Tommy and Stuart were surprised that they both hadn't turned blue and collapsed into a heap on the ground. Sadie squeezed her little sister in a snake like embrace as tears trickled down her cheeks and she joined the handful of them that were crying.

As they pulled apart Sadie couldn't help but keep the beam from her face. She looked over at her Dad who now had a still sleeping Emily cradled in his arms. That girl could sleep through absolutely anything, it was really crazy. Sadie also went to greet Tommy, she gripped him in an embrace and he wrapped his arms around her back. Jude smiled, she was glad they were on speaking terms again.

Mason, who had been in the bathroom at the time heard Sadie let out the high pitched scream of Jude's name and rushed to compose himself before rushing out to see if the screams he was hearing were telling the truth or if they were playing tricks on him, evil tricks.

His jaw dropped as his eyes locked with Jude, a different Jude, a brunette Jude. This time it was Jude that made the first move, launching herself up the garden towards the doorway she launched herself into Mason's arms wrapping her legs around his waist and pressing her mouth to his. It was a friendly kiss and they all knew it, though it took Tommy a few seconds to actually realize that. When he saw her react like that he couldn't help but feel a little pang of jealously. He then remembered the time that Mason came out to them all at G – Major. He remembered how he felt a little weird, he got paranoid thinking that Mason was giving him eyes, or the look every now and then. But the most important thing was that he respected her relationship with Mason. He knew how good friends Jude and Mason were, he remembered her telling him that. He loved the way she reacted to Mason and he hoped that when they eventually completely reconciled, that would be the way she reacted when they were separated, though he hoped they never would be.

When Mason let her stand again they just stared at each other in awe, they were finally back together again and it was the best feeling in the world. Well to Jude it was the best feeling in the world to be with Tommy, but being with Mason came pretty close. The stares between them now progressed to every person on the drive their faces were all streaming with tears of happiness. Each one of them had the same question playing on their minds, how did Tommy get her to come back with him? They decided against their curiosity to let it slide, they should be happy that she was back and not want to question her motives.

When Jude finally managed to unlock her eyes from Mason's the whole 'family', if that is what you could call it, gathered in a circle. Of course they were not all related, but it the past few months that Jude had been gone they had united and they were very much together. Jude sidled back over to Tommy, not wanting to be the centre of the circle with all attention focused on her. He protectively and instinctively wrapped his arms around her kissing the top of her forehead lovingly. She leant backward feeling his strong arms and muscular chest supporting her and she was totally contented. Silence filled the air as they stared at each other comfortably before returning back to the house.

.!.Home.!.

**Well here you have it, it is finally over, it is very sad for me to leave this story but I hope you will all review the last chapter with as much fantastic feedback as you have given me throughout the time I have been writing this story and you are all fantastic.**

**So without much hesitation much love goes out to lileigh760, on.the.edge.x, scott4eva, Monkeyluver42, singer154, instantstarfanatic06, Camsma, kolirox, ur21, im2cool4love, MyCrAzyWorld, QueenieBee19, **jude-and-tommy-4eva-summer-bay, Tommy4eva, lolo87, daisychain101, squashstar, Tommys my 21, tampabay15, Varley990akaRedStar, FightingForMyFreedom, tommyandjude4eva and musical-cynders. All of your comments and reviews are so much appreciated and special thanks to those of you who followed this story all the way through it really means a lot. You are all fab.

Much love, hopefully sequel ready on Monday.

Love Sofi xxxxxxxxxxxxx


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